All of us have or had a best friend, some maybe a loner but there is always someone or something that they call “PARTNER IN CRIME”. It may be a person, an animal or a thing but still it is their companion, the one that make us happy and feel at peace.
“People are like stained glass windows, they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within”
–Elizabeth Kubler Ross
I really don’t know why I came up blogging about this, but maybe it is because I missed the old times when I still have a best friend besides me. I’ve had 2 persons in my life that I had called and labeled as a best friend. I was very happy back then and always thought that they will always be there whenever I need them. I’ve always thought that a best friend is permanent and will never leave you behind. But I guess my definition of best friend is just so wrong.
I can’t say that I’m a friendly person (when I say friendly this means that a person who most likely gain friends every now and then) but more of like a sociable one. I’ve never really had a permanent circle of friends or groups or cliques. Having a friend or having a person whom I can talk to in regular terms is very tough for me. I have no idea why but it’s just the way it is. I know a lot of people and a lot of people knows me and that’s because I’m sociable. However, they just know me by face or by name but not because of who I am. Of course I still got friends, but they are most likely to be good for months or for a year but not like for YEARS or for forever. They easily just come and go and I can’t say that they are friends if they easily come in your life and easily go out of your life.
All my life, I’ve been used in being alone and used in having some person whom I only talk to for once or twice. I’ve never really been sad or upset of not having real friends or neither get jealous with others who always go out with their groups but rather I’ve been disappointed with myself because I don’t get why people don’t like to be my friend. It’s like, am I a psycho? am I weird? or do I have some virus? for others not to like me. But then I realize that I wouldn’t really gain friends especially with people whom I don’t have common interests with. And it’s hard because only few people share the same interests with me.
I was happy when I had a best friend. I called her my best friend since I’ve known her ever since I was a kid, prolly for 10 years. We’ve became very very close, share the same interest, always get to hang out with her since she just lives near my house and also I like her attitude, she’s nice, kind, very funny and have a strong confidence in herself, she’s also smart. However, we separate ways when we started going to college, she studied to the biggest and most prestige university here in the Philippines as a student in directing. She wanna be a director while I study at an average private school doing the program that I don’t want. Until such time that our friendship was broken by a guy, and that is her ex bf. They had been together for 4 years and then they broke up and the guy tried to date me after which I declined. Then she thought that I cheated her and thought that I’m a liar and a flirt for stealing her ex bf. But I didn’t do anything wrong, so much for that, the friendship ended and I was devastated. It feels like another half of me was gone. I was so sad back then and feels like I’m all alone. I really treasured her so much and try to get back with her. But she hated me to death. We’re okay now though. We talk sometimes and both of us had moved on. She’s happy with her social life now, she got a lot of friends, she got a best friend while I got none.
During college, I’ve had a group of friends that I get to spend time with. I’ve had friends who sometimes visit me at the house, I’ve got friends that I can have sleep over with and friends that I can talk to every day. But to what I didn’t know is that they will just be your friends when they need something out of you and when they don’t need you anymore, you’re nothing to them. Now, those people whom I once call as friends are nothing but the people whom I used to know or people that I know. Then it came to a point where I met this girl, her name is MAE. We totally act differently and think differently but to what I didn’t know that we will become friends and best friends. It’s been really great for me. We did a lot of things together and we always connect to each other. We’ve been together through ups and downs. Life really tested us in a short time. When I had an accident, she was there all the time and she even visits me even though her house is 2 hours away from me. I was happy and glad that I found her. I didn’t expected to have such a great friend but the same with my ex best friend, we disconnect too. But this time, I don’t the reason. She doesn’t talk to me, she doesn’t answer my messages or call or anything which in the end I gave up. We shared so much memories that I just couldn’t forget all of those things. She’s the only person whom I can act the way I am regardless of what she says. She accepted me and I accepted her the way we are, hence it’s very very upsetting to just lost the connection and the friendship that we had.
After all the things that happened, I realized that friends and best friends are just labels and they don’t serve any purpose at all. I realized that a person becomes a friend or more of like a best friend even though he/she is not being labeled as one. Calling someone a best friend is not like an official status, it doesn’t need any confirmation or anything like that, you already know if they are or they’re not. It’s merely just a label and two people or group of people no need to ask if they are best friends, they just “know” automatically and they “feel” it.He/She is someone whom you can trust completely and utterly, will respect you and whom you can be 100% you without being degrade or being down. That person whom doesn’t need to be with you all the time for you to feel his/her presence, and the person who takes a space in your heart and just stays there no matter what.
I’ve also realized that the people that walk in my life are not guaranteed that they will remain and stay forever. Very few people can walk in, stay and leave foot prints in your life and those are the REAL FRIENDS. Those are the people who made a choice to share their life with you. Those are the people who are not obliged to connect with you and those are the people who stays because of you and not because of what you have to offer.
Right now, I’m happy and contented being like this, alone. Some might find it hard but I’m used to this. And I’m happy with the persons that remained. They’re not many in numbers but who needs quantity? I need quality! There is Mr. R who had really taught me the meaning of being a friend,a great friend. We had shared a lot of things, went through a lot of arguments and discussions but he’s still there. He never leave me behind. I sometimes wonder why he is still there, I’m an emo, I’m weird and I always make drama and stupid mistakes but he never get tired (maybe he is LOL) instead, he listens and understands. There is also MC ( a former classmate in high school) we doesn’t share common interest but we get a long. We just talk via online or phone conversation but you can feel that he is there and real. We fought and shouted to each other, we tease and make each other cry but in the end of the day, both of us still remains. I was actually happy btw since I just had a phone call from him tonight and I was happy since we haven’t talked for months because he’s very busy at his school and I’m busy with my life and then I got a call, I thought it was from Mr. R because he is the only one who calls me regularly so I was quite surprise that it was from MC. We talked for an hour and did some catch ups, we had fun talking to each other and it really means something cause I felt like I still got a person that even though he’s not being labeled as friends or best friends, he’s still there. Mc is the only one that I’ve been in contact with after high school and it was 2 years ago, so knowing him for 4 years in high school and 2 years after high school is just fantastic.
P.S I missed Mae